One of my friends had a bad relationship some six months ago. I just thought about it today and decided to rediscover some truth out of reality.
Someone said long time ago- "marry a woman who loves you not the one whom you love". Why do people have to suffer in relationship even if it was a great start? A good start, bad start, fast start or a slow start... which one is better and in which condition? Do we have a formula for sustainability of relationship? No, we don't.
What are most important for sustainability are our thoughts and feelings. If we, in a positive mood of thoughts, can find some reciprocating feelings, we call it a 'sacrifice'; else we call the same reciprocating feelings a 'compromise' when our thoughts are negative. The post modernisation has witnessed sharp increase in divorce and similar issues. And the majority of such cases have started with resentment arising out of non-fulfilment of expectations. Science has facilitated a comfortable life; so what has been difference in 4-5 decades is escalation in minimum level of individual's expectation.
To cater to the rising expectation levels, individuals tend to use short-cuts or people maneuvering techniques. So, raises the level of frustration, anger, discomfort and repulsive tendencies. Now, do we really need to curtail our ambitions for these reasons? No, we need not. Just try not to hurt someone directly and don't try to feel the frustration or anger inside yourself. The reason is that, if you want to be frustrated, you can really become frustrated even though whole world loves you. I mean, the bad traits are inside everyone. We just need to keep them dormant as ever.
But, in-spite of these entire abstract rules you followed and the efforts you have made to keep a healthy relationship, it breaks. Obviously, because the other half doesnot want to be the half. He/she dreams to be complete by his/her own. This version of ambition can never be satisfied. Such people keep searching for respite for all their lives.
What happened to my friend was really disheartening. The girl left him for the most obvious question- Could I be happier (obviously 'monetary happiness'- but the girls avoid saying this... who wants to come out dirty handed after crime) with you? Ok, may be it’s a good decision if everyone's future is going to be better. But then, why does every girl want to leave a 'Token of Being Loser' to the guy by saying- "But, still we can be good friends! " ? I haven’t ever heard a guy saying this. But the guy hearing this is always reminded of his Token as - 'keep in touch with me (as a friend) so that I will keep reminding that you are a loser! ' . This is not fair. So, I tried to convince my friend by saying- "Let her go. The one who doesnot love you will not be hurt if you too leave. So, you are not hurting anyone, not even the girl you love."
Today, when I was talking about these issues to one of my (girl) friend who had committed to a guy just because she loved his truthfulness, another case enlightened me. The guy is neither better paid nor more successful. But my friend wants to marry him despite all social oddities. She explained to me that love is not bound by check-lists or promises. If you are sure that one who supports you is true, the stacks of experience you gather will be create a strong plinth. I heard her every word in awe and finally uttered- How rare!
